Learning to Speak Up

Have I mentioned I’m in a cycle? *nervous laughter*

(I’m in a cycle)

I’m doing an injectables cycle with the new clinic. I actually did a few of the injections (rather than making Tammy do them all) because it looked like she was going to have to be out of town on business on two of the injection nights. It ended up working out that they stopped the injections before she left town, so it was for naught. But! I have now done it multiple times. It’s the little things, I guess.

I knew there would be growing pains with the new clinic, but they ended up not being in the way I was anticipating. There’s the odd things (like that the morning of the IUI I have to call them to thaw the sperm – I’m sorry, you need reminding? I’m paying you over three thousand dollars and you can’t remember to thaw the sperm?) and the annoying things (the fact that I have to go to a different office for the IUI itself, rather than where I do monitoring – and the IUI office is 45 minutes from my house) and the more problematic (discussed below).

I like this clinic for the reasons I disliked the old clinic. I feel like they’ve made a more personal care plan for me, rather than following a formulaic approach, regardless of how I respond to treatment. Knowing what I know now, the clomid at 100 mg made my lining way too thin. Yes, it’s possible I could have a successful pregnancy with the thinned lining, but it makes it unlikely. And yes, the thin lining could be what caused my miscarriage.

What I don’t like about this clinic is that it is so big; I end up feel a bit like a number (I know this doesn’t make sense based on the above “they personalize my care!” but just go with me here). I’ve never had the same person do my ultrasound, which makes for a lot of people viewing the ol’ lady garden. And man do they move quickly. Not the wait for the ultrasound itself (they’re running behind 90% of the time) but the ultrasound itself. It might be more efficient if I entered the clinic, spread eagle on a conveyor belt. I could just roll by the ultrasound machine with my bits exposed while a tech penetrates* me, measures my follicles post-haste and literally runs out the door. Which leads me to the most serious problem.

A bit of background:

  • on my CD3, pre-med check, I had 12 immature follicles on the right side, and 7 immature follicles on my left.
  • On CD7, I had 4 follicles; measuring 12mm, 10mm, 10mm, and 9mm.
  • CD 9 I had those same 4 follicles, measuring at (on the right) 14mm, 12mm, 12mm, and (on the left) 10mm.

During the gap between CD7 and CD9 they had me stop taking the injections; they said they wanted to see how my follicles grew on their own. After the bloodwork of CD9, they called to tell me to go back on the injections, and come in for another check on CD11. Which was yesterday. This was on the weekend, so I had to go to the office 45 minutes from my house. I went in for the ultrasound, and the nurse did a cursory check on the right side, measure one at 9.something mm and then went over to the left ovary, finding a “dominate” follicle, measure 19mm. A doctor came in and told me they would probably trigger me that night, but would call me to confirm based on the bloodwork. I knew I was confused, and asked the nurse about the other three follicles. She told me that they had stopped growing or something and it looked like I only had one mature follicle this cycle.

So I went home and cried a lot, and was very confused, and did a lot of searching on Dr. Google. Basically, I was confused (and i’m still confused): what the fuck happened to my follicles? I guess I can understand follicles not growing, but how could they just disappear? How could I have one 19mm on the left (the side with the smaller follicles two days ago!) and the next biggest (on the right, the side with the 14mm, and two 12mm) be a 9mm? How can follicles just vanish?

The nurse who called with my bloodwork results didn’t really know. She best guess was that sometimes they don’t see follicles, based on other factors like how full your bowels are or how gassy you are. Which, OK…

The long and short of it is, I should have demanded a better explanation from the nurse who did the ultrasound, while she was there. I should have barred the door to keep her from running out, if that’s what it took. I’m a paying customer, and for my own sanity I need to know what’s going on. But, for this cycle at least, what’s done is done. I don’t know how many follicles I’m going into IUI with, but I am having the IUI done tomorrow (Monday morning). And then begins the wait.

*Swear to God there is a “penetrate” mode on the ultrasound. *shudder*

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One thought on “Learning to Speak Up

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